pressing on…


So I’ve slept less today, thank God. I haven’t done all that much though, but at least I haven’t been asleep. That’s progress, right??

I have been having to go out the past few mornings, at 7 am, to close the “chicken door”…the automatic door to our chicken coop. It’s a boogar to set and Hubby says the only way to “turn it off” is to open the control unit and take out the batteries. Apparently that’s a hard job, or else it would mean eventually having to reset the thing again. I dunno. The door is a real life-saver just because we don’t have to run out and open it first thing every. single. morning. when it’s warm. But really, I wish there was a way to shut the thing off when it’s -20 degrees and the chickens might freeze if I don’t run out there and push the ‘close’ button!!! Argh!

I’m also on fire duty. We have an 1,800 square feet shop building with 20+ foot high ceilings that has a wood stove as the only source of heat (except for an electric wall heater in the office and bathroom) so in order to keep all the stuff out there, including pipes! from freezing, someone has to man that stove all day and keep the fire going in it. That someone would be me.

Now, granted, the Hubby has been coming home at lunch every day to check it, so he’s not just dumping it on me. I’m just not used to having to get out in these frigid temps to do stuff like this, so I’m a li’l whiny. ExCUSE me!! Ha!

So today I’ve been messaging back and forth with a young girl who I have a lot in common with. We met through our Emmaus community and for some reason (I think it was God’s doing) she started messaging me about various struggles and over the past year or so, it seems we’ve become pretty close.

I was hesitant at first because she was telling me a lot of things about her family that I honestly didn’t know for sure myself. I tried to take it all with a grain of salt…teenagers will exaggerate, after all. But the stories kept coming and so I asked an older girl who she rides to Emmaus gatherings what she knew about this young girl. Seems she didn’t know much either, so I have chosen to just try and help her all I can, pointing her to scripture and urging her to lean on God for strength.

She has been a cutter in the past, she’s attempted suicide. She has no parental support that I can tell, but she has become very precious to me. Her messages, while sometimes disturbing and troubling to me, often will pull me out of myself in order to help her. Then today…today for some reason we got on the subject of clothes…I think she mentioned needing to find something to wear, and soon I was babbling about how crappy I feel about myself and being overweight.

Little Girl is all of maybe 120 pounds, so I let her know I was sorry for rambling on about something she couldn’t possibly understand coming from someone old enough to be her mother. She then told me I was gorgeous and that she hated “weight”, how it seemed to define people. She told me how she had struggled with an eating disorder, dropping to 98 pounds at one point.

Then she posted this on Facebook::

To all my people out there that think that they aren’t beautiful…. You’re wrong!!! All the lies that Satan has pumped into your mind, erase them….. Beauty isn’t defined by the size of your waist or how big you are.. Beauty is defined by the personality that God has placed in you. Beauty is defined by the light that shines from you. Society has placed in so many heads that because you don’t wear a size 00 in pants and weigh under 110 pounds that you can never be happy with your self until you are there, well society lies. God made you just the way you are, and he made you beautiful!

I burst into tears…again. First time was when she messaged me that she thought I was gorgeous. My thought upon reading her status was Okay…she’s getting it. Maybe I AM helping her?

And then I got to thinking Why did it touch you so much for this young girl to tell you that she thinks you are beautiful?

The immediate response was Because you’re that pathetic? You are so disgusted with your fat self that anyone paying you a compliment just rocks your world. How sad!!

Then I thought some more and this came to me… This young girl sees your insides. She sees your heart. She feels the love you’ve been trying to show her and to her, that is beautiful.

So yeah, maybe I’m pathetic. Aren’t we all really pathetic without Jesus? Isn’t that the shape we all come in before He steps in and makes us new, makes us righteous, makes us beautiful?

1 Peter 3:3-5 — “3 Do not let your adorning be externalβ€”the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wearβ€” 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,”

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