[NOTE:: Originally, this post was entitled “hurt people hurt people…” but I have changed it because it morphed into something different. And I am thankful for that!]
That is… people who are hurting will hurt others. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to and of course, we all know this deep inside. It’s hard, though, to deal with these folks. We reach out to them in love and they respond by hurting us. This plays out day after day, a zillion times over. Everywhere.
My second daughter-in-law (DIL2) is like this with me. It’s all very complicated and I’m sure it would become majorly twisted if I were to try and explain it all here, so I’m not going to do that. And I don’t want this to seem like a “bash DIL2” post either. That’s NOT what I want to do. I am just trying to sort it all out and make things better.
And that’s a hard task, lemme tell you.
I think DIL2 is so determined to have “overcome” her past, her childhood & the teen years when she was fairly wild, that she tries to come off as loving to EVERYONE, as if that’s how we’re supposed to be if we are followers of Jesus. But we are still human. We still mess up, we still don’t get along with everyone. So pretending that you do is #1- lying, #2 – gotta be incredibly tiring and frustrating and #3 – not healthy.
(March 24, 2015)
I used to think she just didn’t understand this aspect of things. That she just thought that you get saved and you’re supposed to just love everyone. But it’s been long enough that I think she ought to know that by now. So maybe it’s just that she’s always been this way…wanting to please everyone she meets and not able to stand it if someone didn’t like her. That too is an unhealthy view, but I don’t know how to make her see it. I mean, if EVERYONE likes you that means you are lying to someone, ya know?
If no one ever dislikes you, it means you aren’t standing for anything but bowing to whatever the will or whimsy is of the people you are with…that will automatically lead to lying, even if it’s only to yourself! Not healthy.
Of course, maybe she IS over it because it doesn’t seem to bother her so much to be at odds with me. And it’s so hard for me to accept that, but since I don’t know how to fix it, I just have to live with it…which is not exactly the same as acceptance, right? *sigh*
I do have to admit though, that things are a little better. She still doesn’t text or call me very often, but talks to Hubby several times a week. Maybe it’s that I don’t call her? Probably, but it’s a little hard to do that now after she withdrew and outright avoided me for so long in the winter. Yes, I should “get over it”, but it’s still very awkward to just call up for no particular reason. Our face-to-face conversations are still pretty strained and mostly small talk. The only “deep” subject we have broached is my son’s health and she can be a little defensive about that if I suggest something she’s not on board with, ya know? But maybe I’m reading into it… It’s just a little hard for me not to these days, but I’m trying.
I do try to text her, which seems to help some. I’m excited because she’s actually texting me right now about some exciting stuff going on at her work. Apparently the residents are helping set up for a Big Daddy Weave concert! And it’s not a group text like usual…it’s just me and her chatting a bit.
Baby steps, right? 😀
There WAS a very awesome and random development Sunday afternoon. Hubby and I got out of the early service at church and went to the grocery store with the intent of getting a couple steaks and some charcoal to grill at home. By the time we got home, our eldest son called to see if we wanted to meet him and his wife for lunch as they had been on a job all morning (something that could only be done during that time while a production line was down) so we told them we planned to grill and suggested they come over for that.
I’d seen DIL2’s friend at church heading into the second service with Son2, so I figured they would be eating out with her maybe, but Hubby called them anyway. Turned out they were dropping the friend back in the next town over and they wanted to come eat some grill food too.
It was SO not planned and the house, of course, was a mess, but we had a good time just cooking and eating and then we had all the dogs out too…our little Max (Shi-Tzu/Maltese) and big Samson (chocolate lab), Son1’s Timber (Australian Shepherd) and Son2’s Biscuit (golden retriever). What a mish-mash of dogs, all running every where trying to keep up with what the others were doing. They both had brought their dogs’ favorite toys, which kept them all busy for quite some time then someone got out a frisbee and all three of the guys got out in the yard to play with the dogs running back and forth trying to catch the thing when they got a chance.
It was a really nice afternoon and a rare occasion when we had all our kids together. Hubby and I both were very thankful for it and tried to let the kids know how much it meant to us.
The Kids2 left first saying they had some tax papers they needed to get through before Monday, so Kids1 were left with us, which is more often than not, how it goes. Besides the fact that they are really the ones who ever even call us to get together or go out.
Now more than ever, I’m really thankful for that. Like when we went to see Tim Hawkins, that was because of our older kids asking us and that was even to join with their other friends from church. They make us feel wanted and welcomed for the most part. And that’s so not how it is with our younger kids.
But maybe that will change soon. Hopefully with the warmer weather coming on, we can have more cookouts and games in the back yard.
Lord Jesus, please let it be so!!
Psalm 127:3-5 – “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are thechildren of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”