I went back to the pelvic health therapist again yesterday. We did the biofeedback, which was very informative and surprising. I was honestly expecting to find that my muscles were super-tight, perpetually stressed.
Turns out, according to the results, my “stuff” isn’t extremely tight after all. I do seem to have weak muscles, as a matter of fact. Which either created or resulted from poor muscle control. It was, like I said, informative and surprising, but also strange/weird. Ha ha… She had me tense my pelvic floor muscles for a few seconds, up to a minute, then relax. The biofeedback showed that my contractions were pretty weak, but that, contrary to what we expected, the muscles actually do relax after instead of steadily increasing in tension.
That’s so totally opposite of what my symptoms seem to point to… that my muscles were overly tight and unable to relax. I guess that leads to realizing that the problem is more due to the scar tissue and the trauma of the pain and conditioning over the years to tighten in response.
*sigh* I was kinda hoping this would be more physical than that, and be something we could “exercise” (HAHA!) out of me instead of having to retrain my mind. Muscles, I believe, are much MUCH easier to retrain than a brain.
Hubby was able to go with me this time, which was good. I wasn’t feeling really great about driving up there by myself. He ordered himself some shoes last week and we had hoped they would be there for us to pick up yesterday. But of course, they weren’t in and we are leaving for Nashville after church Sunday. He really wanted to have them in time to wear at his conference. If they come in before Sunday, we may end up driving up there (in the opposite direction of our destination) to get them, THEN drive down to Nashville, which is a 3 1/2-hour drive anyway! Ugh.
I’m working on getting laundry done and attempting to get the house in a teeny bit better shape before we go. I swear, it’s so horrible now. Just stuff… papers and little things scattered all over. I made a stab at it Sunday afternoon and cleared, or at least organized, all the papers piled up on the bar. It’s still a mess since when Hubby got up from napping, he insisted we go out and get some landscaping done. He had picked up a truckload of gravel for the three trees in the back yard, so he pulled all the weeds out, pulled up the filter fabric and de-rooted it then we replaced the fabric and shoveled the rocks around the trees. That was encouraging, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to do. He had done a great service/tune-up job on our old (a 1976 model!) John Deere lawn tractor, replacing the blades, belts and changing oil and other fluids. When he mowed last week, it was SO evident all the work he’d done on it because the yard looked better than it has in ages! Even and smooth. Now with some of the landscaping refreshed in the back, I am getting encouraged to keep it going, get the house in shape, get the rest of the landscaping cleaned up (the areas right next to the house are a mess!) and get busy with some cookouts and get-togethers with lots of fun, friends and family.
I’ll close this post out before I ramble into yet another topic. But I’ll add this… it is extremely evident that the worst of the depression has been dealt with. Whether it’s the higher dose of Wellbutrin or just that I’m beginning to get healthier, but although I won’t say I’m “great”, I am definitely better. A lot better.
For that, I am extremely, immensely grateful.
Proverbs 3:5-8 –
“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.”