go me!

I am SO pumped, y’all! The past two days, I’ve put my sorry butt on the trainer and pounded out 8 miles each day on my bike. When I did it yesterday, I checked my blood pressure about an hour later and it was better than it’s been EVER while off my BP meds!!

PRAISE GOD!! I am SO thrilled that perhaps there IS a way to avoid those nasty, cough-inducing, make-me-choke medicines and still keep my blood pressure good! Honestly, if you haven’t read the last few posts, you don’t know how much this has worried me. The higher blood pressure was affecting my eyes, is bad for my kidneys… just really bad for me all around. Every time they put me on a new BP med, I would start with the coughing and wheezing again and every time I went off the meds, my BP would shoot up above the recommended 140/90. Yesterday, it was 156/85 and today it is 149/92. I know, I know… still a bit above what the doctor wants, but WAY better than it had been running!

I’m so tickled I could jump for joy! Only, I won’t because I’m kinda tired after my trainer session. Ha ha!

In other related news, we sent for a return number to send my bike computer to be repaired. Remember? Hubby got me one off eBay that has a cracked screen, but the computer works. Turns out, it’s still in warranty, but the warranty doesn’t cover the screen damage. That just tells us that the computer is fairly new and as I’d said, the repair will be about $90. For a computer like this, with GPS, speed/distance/cadence/grade/a-buncha-other-stuff capabilities, you can analyze the crap outta your rides and we also just ordered me a heart rate monitor that displays on the computer in real time, so you can stay in your “zone” the whole time (IF you can, that is! Ha ha!) So even including the price paid for the broken unit, we still end up with a great price for this computer. And I know it might sound like a frivolous extra, but it really helps you keep riding, keep pushing, when you can see how you’re doing, how far you’ve gone, what your cadence is and all that. It’s very motivating.

I’m so hopeful that with this proof that riding will help my blood pressure, I’ll be more apt to keep it up and in the process lose some weight and end up a healthier, happier gal. I’m secretly setting a goal to be in much better shape before I turn 50. I haven’t set any concrete goals, but generally, I’d love to lose a ton more weight, like at least 50 pounds. I would be thrilled beyond my wildest dreams if I could get that much weight off.

But in my mind, that sounds impossible. But I’m looking for and clinging to hope. I am praying for the determination and dedication to stick with this. To learn, in the process, how to set and stick to goals and carry out good, healthy plans.

Maybe get a little more disciplined in the process?? That one is a stretch for this completely undisciplined gal, but here’s hoping.

Hebrews 11:1“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

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good news all around so far…

Well, our overnight in Lexington went smoothly if you don’t count the almost-three hours we spent in The Apple Store trying to back up Hubby’s phone so they could replace it.  Sheesh!

We picked up his records without any problems then  headed over there.  My sugar got low on the walk in so we stopped and bought a cup of these pretzel bites and a regular soda.  An hour later, I was at 325.  GAH!!  I corrected for that and continued to sit on that uncomfy stool while his laptop refused to cooperate for the backup since he didn’t have iCloud backups setup and they felt it would be quicker to just backup to his computer given the slow wifi.  He told me to go do something else, but I really don’t even like the mall, let alone going to look knowing full well we don’t have any money, ya know?  I am NOT really a window shopper.  Heh.

So anyhow, we did have to drive around awhile looking for a motel.  We almost booked one with Trivago and then, when Hubby asked the poor receptionist at the office where we picked up his records, she says, “Well, I will tell you where NOT to stay…” and proceeded to name that motel, saying it had been burgled several times recently!  Sheesh!!

We unloaded at a Microtel, which was clean, but tiny!  I guess the “micro” part is entirely true, eh?  I haven’t stayed in a lot of places, so I had no clue that’s what it actually meant!  LOL!  Anyhow, we then went to get a bite to eat.  Had an amazing steak and I called Mom as we headed back to the motel to see how she was doing with Max.

I was SO afraid he would be just “too much” for her, since she doesn’t have any inside animals, but apparently they had become big buddies.  We talked about him for close to ten full minutes, her telling me all this stuff he was doing.  It sounded as if she planned to just “stay up” with him in the living room, since he had kinda claimed that as his.  *shaking my head*  I felt much relieved to know she wasn’t exasperated with him.

So next morning, we got to the Endoscopy place with time to spare, they took him right on back and it was really an awesome experience.  The nurses were all amazing and I actually talked to a  young lady who had been on an Emmaus walk with our community last year, so that was cool.  I had given a talk on that one, so she remembered me.

They decided since Hubby had been a little combative the last time they did this procedure to give him some “narcotics” this time.  He was SO concerned about that that when he came back out, all he could ask was if he was good and “Did I fight ’em?”  LOL!  He asked that as one sweet, older nurse was right at his side and her face was priceless.  I laughed so hard!  He was sound asleep when they first brought him out and I really thought he’d be out for awhile.  I’d just watched a little guy across the hall snooze for a good half hour after his procedure, but Hubby was fairly awake, although very groggy, in just a couple minutes.  We were dressed and out of there in about another half hour.  They said it all went fine, he was “good” the nurses assured me and asked that I tell him, and no sign of cancer.  When his regular doctor mentioned that, Hubby had been worried about it ever since, so that was an answered prayer.  They said he did have a fibrous “constricture” that they dilated, he does have a small hiatal hernia, which Hubby had told them from the beginning (when regular doc said, no it was an ulcer) and some gastritis, which is just inflamed, irritated stomach. They took about 8 biopsies from different areas just to check for things like celiac and H Pyori, so we will hear from those in the next few days.  They said most of the damage was likely due to years of high-dose NSAIDs for years to treat his feet/leg pain.  I’m not sure what we will be able to do to treat that now.  *sigh*   They told him to eat soft foods and take it easy the rest of the day.

He was pretty sleepy and a little uncomfy all the way home, but once we got home, he got on the phone with this place in Seattle he’s found that builds custom bikes.  He’s bound and determined that we get me a bike that actually fits me instead of settling for the one the bike shop guy uptown wants to sell us.  I don’t see how we could ever afford it, but he’s determined.  Anyhow, after he got off the phone with them, he was super excited about it and soon started talking about meeting up with the bike club people to go on the ride that evening.

It wasn’t going to be one of those “killer” rides like he had just done Sunday (60+ miles!!) so he felt it was perfectly within his “limitations”…  Next thing I knew he was loading up the bikes and rushing me to get ready!  And so it was that we did a 19 mile ride on the same day the man had a procedure done with anesthesia!  He’s crazy, I tell you!

Tommy, cycling

My crazy biker dude…

I wasn’t sure I could make it all the way after the first couple miles, but as usual, I kept telling myself just a little further til we got to the turn-around point.  Once there, he put the one computer we have on my bike and gave me the heart monitor so I could see my progress.  The computer tells you MPH, heart rate, cadence (rotations per minute) and a bunch of other stuff and it was surprisingly encouraging to have that info.  I made the return trip in much less time than going out.  He has bought anther computer with a cracked screen with the intent to fix it for me, so I’m hoping we can get that fixed soon.  I would probably do a lot better or at least be more encouraged to keep at it with that info at my disposal all the time.  Something about knowing how hard you are pushing makes you want to keep at it and keeps me from feeling like giving up.  Psychology.  Pshh!  LOL!

So that was our crazy few days.  My sugar got low early this morning, around 5 am, I woke up sweaty.  I didn’t get up and check it because I was just too stinking tired, but after a few minutes and not feeling any better, I ate a couple of lifesavers and tried to go back to sleep.  I never slept very good after that, so when Hubby got up for work, I got myself a granola bar and laid back down.  I do my hardest, best sleeping in the early morning hours, so when I get “interrupted” during that time, I am wiped out as if I didn’t sleep good all night.  So I slept til about 9:30.  I’m up now, and sitting here doing this, but not super-sore or anything, so that is also encouraging!

However, I DO need to get my butt up and work on this tax crapola.  Praying for a good refund this year… we need it terribly!

Hebrews 12:1 – “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,”

trying to catch up!

Alrighty then.  I sure got off track with posting once I started feeling a little better.

And YES!!!  You read that right!  I am FINALLY feeling quite a bit better.  I have started being more active, you could almost even call it exercising!  And I am more determined and hopeful than I have been in a long, long, LONG time!  God is SO good, people!  I went and got my hair cut at last.  I’ve been wanting to for several months, but even on my good days, I hate getting my hair cut, so you can imagine how easy it was to put off with me in “the hole” the way I have been.  I really love it, though.  🙂  I really want to get some low-lights done though because I feel like the all-over light color makes me look washed out.  I dunno… I normally color my hair myself, which consists of using a lighter color to cover the grays… I don’t even put the color all over my head, just on the roots and then I pull it through to the ends in a few spots.  But over the years of doing this, I guess, my hair has just become a dirty blonde all over.  I *think* my natural color is a light brown.  That’s what color it was as a kid, although it got darker when I was pregnant.  My mom’s hair is really dark brown, almost black if you don’t look closely, and she’s been a strawberry blonde for about 10 years now.  It was so funny when she first did it, but now that her hair is almost completely gray, when the root start showing, she looks so washed out, so maybe that’s why I think I do too.  I just don’t know, but my theory was if I use a lighter color, the grays coming in won’t be super-noticeable when they show and I can “catch” them (color my hair!) before they start looking that awful way it does when you have really dark hair and silvery roots a quarter inch long.  However, what usually happens is I can’t really see the grays, so they multiply and before I realize it, I have TONS showing and I have to look really close to even see them.  My fondest hope is that it’s that way for everyone else too, that they can’t see them very easily either, but I fear that it’s just the opposite!!!  *SIGH*

G-3.16.15

Mamma’s new ‘do…

#oldladyproblems #toocloseto50 #imnotreadytobethisold

Sheesh.

And so, in other news, I have lost some weight.  Not a ton.  Well, wait.. I HAD lost 8 whole pounds in like 6 days, which is huge for me, but now, almost 4 of them are back.  GAH!!  So I dunno… I’m trying not to get too excited over the losses and not completely discouraged over the come-backs.  I am bound and determined though that I’m going to lose some weight.  It would THRILL MY SOUL if I could lose 50 pounds.  I’d be seriously in heaven if I could drop that much, but as you can see, it’s not so easy for me.  But I am determined.  I’ve cut carbs as much as possible.  I even ordered bacon and eggs when we went to Waffle House with the kids after the Tim Hawkins concert Thursday night!  LOL!  That’s a biggie for me.  I love me some waffles!

And yeah, that Tim Hawkins… we haven’t done anything like that in ages.  One of our oldest son’s friends got a deal on some tickets, so we were able to go at the last minute.  What a super-fun time we had!  That man is WAY too funny! smiley-laugh

Right now, I’m waiting for Hubby to get home.  He has an EGD scheduled with a new gastroenterologist in Lexington for tomorrow at 8 am.  They want the results from the one he had done about 6 years ago at another doctor in Lexington, but they won’t release the records unless we personally deliver the release form!  So that was going to mean either making a trip up and back Friday or today, then getting up around 5 am to make tomorrow’s appointment or just going up this afternoon and staying the night.  We are hoping we can find a clean, cheap place to stay.  I’ve got us all packed up and am waiting for him to get home from work.  He had a meeting today or we’d probably have just left this morning.  Mom has agreed to keep Max for us.    max-3.16.15-2 max-3016015I hope she can handle this much cuteness…

1 Corinthians 9:24 – “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.”

moving forward…

[NOTE::  Originally, this post was entitled “hurt people hurt people…” but I have changed it because it morphed into something different.  And I am thankful for that!]

That is… people who are hurting will hurt others.  That’s the conclusion I’ve come to and of course, we all know this deep inside.  It’s hard, though, to deal with these folks.  We reach out to them in love and they respond by hurting us.  This plays out day after day, a zillion times over.  Everywhere.

My second daughter-in-law (DIL2) is like this with me.   It’s all very complicated and I’m sure it would become majorly twisted if I were to try and explain it all here, so I’m not going to do that.  And I don’t want this to seem like a “bash DIL2” post either.  That’s NOT what I want to do.  I am just trying to sort it all out and make things better.

And that’s a hard task, lemme tell you.

I think DIL2 is so determined to have “overcome” her past, her childhood & the teen years when she was fairly wild, that she tries to come off as loving to EVERYONE, as if that’s how we’re supposed to be if we are followers of Jesus.  But we are still human.  We still mess up, we still don’t get along with everyone.  So pretending that you do is #1- lying, #2 –  gotta be incredibly tiring and frustrating and #3 –  not healthy.

(March 24, 2015)

I used to think she just didn’t understand this aspect of things.  That she just thought that you get saved and you’re supposed to just love everyone.  But it’s been long enough that I think she ought to know that by now.  So maybe it’s just that she’s always been this way…wanting to please everyone she meets and not able to stand it if someone didn’t like her.  That too is an unhealthy view, but I don’t know how to make her see it.  I mean, if EVERYONE likes you that means you are lying to someone, ya know?

If no one ever dislikes you, it means you aren’t standing for anything but bowing to whatever the will or whimsy is of the people you are with…that will automatically lead to lying, even if it’s only to yourself!  Not healthy.

Of course, maybe she IS over it because it doesn’t seem to bother her so much to be at odds with me.  And it’s so hard for me to accept that, but since I don’t know how to fix it, I just have to live with it…which is not exactly the same as acceptance, right?  *sigh*

I do have to admit though, that things are a little better.  She still doesn’t text or call me very often, but talks to Hubby several times a week.  Maybe it’s that I don’t call her?  Probably, but it’s a little hard to do that now after she withdrew and outright avoided me for so long in the winter.  Yes, I should “get over it”, but it’s still very awkward to just call up for no particular reason.  Our face-to-face conversations are still pretty strained and mostly small talk.   The only “deep” subject we have broached is my son’s health and she can be a little defensive about that if I suggest something she’s not on board with, ya know?  But maybe I’m reading into it… It’s just a little hard for me not to these days, but I’m trying.

I do try to text her, which seems to help some.  I’m excited because she’s actually texting me right now about some exciting stuff going on at her work.  Apparently the residents are helping set up for a Big Daddy Weave concert!  And it’s not a group text like usual…it’s just me and her chatting a bit.

Baby steps, right?  😀

There WAS a very awesome and random development Sunday afternoon.  Hubby and I got out of the early service at church and went to the grocery store with the intent of getting a couple steaks and some charcoal to grill at home.  By the time we got home, our eldest son called to see if we wanted to meet him and his wife for lunch as they had been on a job all morning (something that could only be done during that time while a production line was down) so we told them we planned to grill and suggested they come over for that.

I’d seen DIL2’s friend at church heading into the second service with Son2, so I figured they would be eating out with her maybe, but Hubby called them anyway.  Turned out they were dropping the friend back in the next town over and they wanted to come eat some grill food too.

It was SO not planned and the house, of course, was a mess, but we had a good time just cooking and eating and then we had all the dogs out too…our little Max (Shi-Tzu/Maltese) and big Samson (chocolate lab), Son1’s Timber (Australian Shepherd) and Son2’s Biscuit (golden retriever).  What a mish-mash of dogs, all running every where trying to keep up with what the others were doing.  They both had brought their dogs’ favorite toys, which kept them all busy for quite some time then someone got out a frisbee and all three of the guys got out in the yard to play with the dogs running back and forth trying to catch the thing when they got a chance.

It was a really nice afternoon and a rare occasion when we had all our kids together.  Hubby and I both were very thankful for it and tried to let the kids know how much it meant to us.

The Kids2 left first saying they had some tax papers they needed to get through before Monday, so Kids1 were left with us, which is more often than not, how it goes.  Besides the fact that they are really the ones who ever even call us to get together or go out.

Now more than ever, I’m really thankful for that.  Like when we went to see Tim Hawkins, that was because of our older kids asking us and that was even to join with their other friends from church.  They make us feel wanted and welcomed for the most part.  And that’s so not how it is with our younger kids.

But maybe that will change soon.  Hopefully with the warmer weather coming on, we can have more cookouts and games in the back yard.

Lord Jesus, please let it be so!!

Psalm 127:3-5Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are thechildren of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

.

busy (for me)

So yeah, the past couple days have been busy! Not like, normal-people busy, but busy for me.

I was going to fill you all in on how things went at the PA & therapist yesterday, but I didn’t get time!! Let me try to fill you in now, okay?

Okay, at Richmond I went in with the PA first. I really liked her a lot! She asked a ton of questions, both about my past meds and what I’d been on most recently. We talked about how depression “does” me, how it makes me feel, what kinds of symptoms I have (fatigue, disinterest, sleeping too much, self-isolation, malaise) and she even got into asking about my life, some of the “highlights” of the triggers and causes of the depression.

The final verdict? Wellbutrin is the best bet for me. *sigh* That’s great except I took that for over 10 years and it worked great, but eventually seemed to stop being so effective. Matter of fact, the last time I tried to start Wellbutrin again, it just didn’t seem to work at all.

Now, that COULD have been because it was generic. My experience with the generic bupropion have been less than stellar! When it first became generic, I tried it for about a month, during which time it seemed to almost reverse the normal effects of Wellbutrin. It was a bad experience, meaning they messed with my meds which messed me up. I hate that!! So, it was like I spent several weeks going downhill trying the generic, then had to suffer through getting back on the “good stuff”. Not fun, no matter what meds you’re talking about. Several years later, I tried the generic again and it seemed to work okay. And by okay I mean it kept me from being totally dysfunctional, but didn’t really make me “better” feeling at all. So perhaps, in hindsight, it didn’t really work that well after all. I dunno at this point, but eventually it got less and less effective, money got tight, so I made the decision to just not purchase the bupropion and went off it.

I didn’t really seem any worse for that, so I never sought to get back on it. A couple years after that, I was offered (by a doctor!) Viibryd to try and it didn’t really seem to work, so I just didn’t pursue anything else.

And so, having done some research on all these meds myself, I knew that Wellbutrin seemed to be my best shot…would address my symptoms, not cause weight gain and would not induce fatigue…so hearing that from the PA, as I told her, was ‘kinda depressing!’ *sigh* That’s when she told me there were some dosing options. A higher dose of Wellbutrin XL (actually, we’re trying the generic) or a sustained release version, Wellbutrin SR.

Although, as I’m writing this post and searching for info, I’m finding articles like this and this…all about the shortcomings of these generics… so, I’m thinking it may not be worth my aggravation to even try the generic. AND this certainly makes me feel validated in what I’ve always said about the generic, at least for Wellbutrin. I’m not a brand snob, but if the generic doesn’t work, it just doesn’t work! I don’t have time for what doesn’t work!!

But as it stands, I’m supposed to start on 150 mg of XL for two weeks, then go up to 300 mg (the dose I always took) and then go back to see the PA. If it’s not working at all, we’ll try something else (the SR, I guess) or if it’s making me feel better but not “great”, we will go up to 450 mg and see how that goes.

I went straight from the PA to my therapist. I’ll be honest, I’d decided that this visit would determine for me if I was really getting “my money’s worth” out of these sessions. Not that I don’t enjoy talking to her, or that she’s not very easy to talk with… it was just that I wasn’t sure the whole idea of “talk therapy” or whatever it is was really gonna work for me. In my mind, I was like, “Why in the world do I need to pay to talk to someone?”

But I discovered, just in thinking it over in my own little head (heh) that it’s good to have someone totally outside the “fray” to tell things. We talked about a lot of stuff, it seemed like to me. I was able to share how I felt that what my mom had said to me as a child influenced how I thought and how I thought people felt about me. That led to me explaining to her how my parents tend to favor my sister, how they always blamed things on me as a child and even to the point of as adults, verbally blaming me for her making an extremely bad choice. “If you’d just been a better sister to her, she wouldn’t have done that.” I was told. Out of respect to my family, I’m going to refrain from giving any details here. Maybe later I’ll need to divulge, but for now, just let me leave it at that. How they have done for her, buying her cars and building her a house even though she’s married and is now a middle-aged woman. I know they don’t make that much money, I UNDERSTAND that, but we struggle for money ALL the time too. I would never ask them to pay for my meds or my groceries, let alone all the other stuff Mom buys for her… clothes, makeup and jewelry, etc.

I’ve never just sat and “stewed” about that stuff, but it’s there, it’s obvious and it hurts ya know? Mom is the main one who wants to just DO everything for her. My sister has had seizures since she was about 3. She had a surgery at 15 that stopped them for many years, but then when she got to be about 28 or so, the seizures returned. She held down a full time job and lived on her own for periods of time (just up the road from mom, of course, and rent-free in a home they owned) until she married when she was 35.

If it were up to my mom, I would probably be in a wheelchair. I mean, seriously. Not that she’d “put me in” one, but that she would rather me be there than push myself to “do more”. For instance, I used to have horrific neuropathy pain in my feet. That’s something diabetics get, it’s basically nerve damage that causes pain, numbness or tingling/burning. I was also diagnose with plantar fasciitis at that time too, which causes horrible pain in the feet. I could barely walk and she was forever telling me I needed to get a handicapped placard for my vehicle so I could park close and she’d always want me to ride in the motorized carts if she went to the store with me. That’s what I mean by she’d have me in a wheelchair if she could have her way.

I know it was because she wanted to ease my pain, but c’MON, Mom!! And that’s what she’s done to my sister. The biggest difference has been that I married young and married someone who is hardworking and won’t accept handouts OR let me wither away even when I want to. My hubby pushes me to push myself. Sometimes he’s downright annoying about it, but he never tries to push me beyond my capabilities, but he believes I can do more than I believe myself.

So, there’s all that stuff. I feel very “cheated” in a lot of ways. And my sister’s feelings toward me is that I “won’t be” her sister. She resents me because I have friends, close friends who treat me more like a sister than she does (or than I do her, also… I’m not perfect here) But she and I have nothing really in common and she is so consumed with herself, her limitations, her own favorite things…so unless I’m willing to just conform, I “don’t want to be” her sister. She’s even written me letters telling me to just stay away from her (as if I am down there at her door??—she lives next door to me, by the way)… I dunno. The last letter was extremely rambly but that’s what she wrote. Maybe she was just writing when she was feeling very hurt, but the fact that she put it in my mailbox on my last birthday? Yeah, pretty petty if you ask me. I know she is immature mentally, but a lot of that *I believe* is just because she’s straight-up spoiled.

A spoiled child is hard to stomach. But at least you can spank them (hopefully) and there is time to improve the situation if the parents choose. A spoiled adult? Unbearable!! And honestly, there are way too many of them around today. We all know at least one. It’s hard to understand how someone can reach adulthood feeling as privileged as some of them do.

So…yeah. That’s some of the stuff I talked about yesterday. We also talked about the whole “schedule” thing.

I am so NOT a schedule person!! Time has no meaning or context to me most of the time. I’m sure that’s from all these years of being at home. And the hubby is an EXTREME schedule-ist. Drives me flippin’ insane!! He thinks I should plan what time I will start the laundry, estimate how long it will take to finish it and so that will tell me what time I can start or do something else. He lives his life that way, so when he’s home and eSPECIALLY when I’m deeper in depression, it really drives me up a wall to have him around.

Most of the time, he keeps that crap to himself. (heh) But sometimes it spills out and we have some *ahem* ‘vigorous discussions’ about the value or lack thereof of such schedules… however, I am constantly being told I need to be on some sort of schedule.

*SIGH* I don’t wanna. UGH!! But I’m gonna try. It’s just so SO hard for me. So pray that I can improve that area of my life for my and my health’s sake.

We also talked about logging my moods…my emotional and even physical feelings. That’s where this blog will come in, I think.

I mentioned the blog yesterday. I’m not sure what she thought about it, but she was encouraging.

I cried a lot yesterday too. Both with the PA and my therapist. Sheesh. But then, these days it doesn’t take much to make me cry. *sigh*

Okay, so once I finally got home, I needed to get ready for our Emmaus reunion group’s meeting. Our group is called Heart 2 Heart 2. Yes. There’s supposed to be another “2” on the end. We’re a branch off the original Heart 2 Heart group. I dunno who decided to use a “2” but if we branch again, it should be called “Heart 2 Heart < 3" LOL! Okay, so maybe that wasn't as funny as it seemed. Sorry. 😉

Anyway, it was planned for even those outside our group. We had a lady coming to share her testimony and planned to serve food, so I had food to fix. I haven't fixed food for a pot luck in ages it seems. I was at a loss, but decided to fix a crock of Dill Pickle Soup. If you like dills at all, you must try this soup. I am a pickle freak, so to me, it’s divine!! I also fixed what’s become known as “Dirty Puddin'”. One of the boys who still comes around from our days of being youth leaders at our old church told me it was dirt cake. I had never heard of that. This is made from vanilla pudding, cool whip and crushed Oreos. I don’t remember where I got the recipe or if there even was a recipe. When I looked up Dirt Cake, this is not really that similar, so for him, I called it “Co-co’s Dirty Puddin'”. The name kinda stuck.

ANYhow, one of my friends rode down with me. She’s the one who insisted on picking me up the last time I got to a group meeting. We had a great time talking about a lot of the stuff that had been said in my session and how she had those words from her childhood in her head too, that colored how she sees the world, how she interprets things, how she feels others think about her. Then, wouldn’t you know it? At the meeting, the speaker spoke directly to those very issues. My friend was sitting by me, and I was sniffling and crying… she reached over and grabbed my hand. It was a great blessing and that little bit of confirmation…that little nod from God that “Yes, I wanted you to be here tonight.”

On the way home, my first DIL called to ask if I could pick up some ginger ale because my son was feverish and chilling. I stayed down there talking with him for awhile. Thank God he was better this morning and able to go with his brother and my dad to a conference they had scheduled.

So… that was my yesterday. Busy. Crazy. Full of squishy emotional mess, but good. It was all good.

Proverbs 25:11 — “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”